During the month of December, besides thinking about Christmas preparations, one thing that has been pressing on my mind is the upcoming New Year’s Day and subsequent official ending of my 2014 goals. I have never-ever kept any goals so fresh in my mind for a full year before, and I have this blog to thank for that!
But this month, I have to admit to feeling a bit discouraged about what I accomplished during the year. I know that I’ve written about various changes I was making, but the truth is that I haven’t stuck consistently with any of them. And that is so typical of me…I’m constantly starting new systems and ways of doing things, and dropping them a short time later. Today I feel like I am operating no differently than I was at this time last year.
So, as I’ve been thinking about this, and pondering the question “why?,” I think it boils down to that maybe deep down I just don’t want to do anything differently than what I am doing. For example:
- I don’t want to have to be governed by a routine or a “to do” list every day.
- I don’t want to prepare healthier meals because I don’t want to spend more time in the kitchen.
- I don’t want to have to listen to someone talk in detail about a subject that I have no interest in.
A couple of weeks ago I went with the missionaries to visit someone they are teaching. While we were there, they spoke to the man about our church’s Word of Wisdom, and invited him to give up drinking coffee. (You can read more about our beliefs on the word of wisdom here). The man said, “I guess I don’t see why I should have to stop drinking coffee. I mean, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I don’t go carousing with the guys. To me, it seems like drinking coffee is a small thing.” The missionaries responded by bearing simple testimony that the word of wisdom is given to us by the Lord, and expressed their confidence that blessings would be received as he obeyed this law. This is also something that I believe to be true too and have seen blessings of my own through living this way.
As I listened to this conversation, and as I have thought about it since, I have reflected on how the Lord does ask us to make changes in our lives. Sometimes He asks us to do things we find to be difficult and that we don’t want to do. But always, if we do His will, we find that we are better off for it.
In regards to my own goals, and the reality that I really don’t want to have to change, I find myself wondering if it is really necessary. Like this man, I feel to some extent that my bad habits really aren’t that bad in comparison with some other things. Do I really need to change?
But the other half of the situation is that I do want the results of having done all of these things. For example:
- I do want the chores to be done regularly and not feel constantly behind.
- I do want to eat (and have my family eat) healthy food.
- I do want my kids and husband to feel like they can talk to me anytime they need to, and that they will be treated with respect.
So I am constantly in a holding-place, stuck between not wanting to change, but wanting changes to be made. And I guess I really don’t know what to do about it. I guess the real question is if these are the things the Lord wants me to be focusing on? Our perspective is so limited that often, even when what we want is good, it’s not what the Lord has in mind for us. So as this year comes to a close, these are the thoughts that will be guiding me in my approach to the year 2015.
Thanks so much for reading, and as always feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below!